Using a Miscarriage as a Learning Experience

As I was lying in bed one night, listening to my husband snore and reading through different blogs and articles, I stumbled upon a blog by Scissor Tail Silk titled "Hope After Miscarriage". After reading the blog, and finding myself in a mess of tears, I decided to share the blog on my own Facebook page. After just going through a miscarriage myself 2 months prior, the subject of a miscarriage was still an extremely touchy subject. Posting that article was the first time that I told anyone besides my mom, mother-in-law, and sister about my miscarriage and it opened up an entire new world to me. A world where I allowed my internet friends to see me completely vulnerable. It was by posting that article that the idea of blogging came to me, actually, a comment from my high school Calculus teacher that said "God will use your experience to help many others. It's all about allowing God to make a positive from a negative". 

That being said, here in my first blog post, I will talk about my miscarriage openly with complete strangers.

It was a Monday evening when I took that first test. My husband, Matt, and I had been trying for almost 3 years to have a miracle of our own and I was late. When we both walked into the bathroom and saw those two lines, I cried and we held each other for what seemed like hours. It had finally happened - God was going to finally give us what we both so desperately wanted, a baby.

Fast forward 3 weeks. I woke up Sunday morning and I knew something was wrong. I was bleeding and had the worst pain I have ever felt in my lower abdomen. After a couple phone calls, Matt took me to the Emergency Room of our local hospital. After 2 exams, a blood test, and an early ultrasound, the doctor told me that I was 6-7 weeks along and that the baby was seemingly fine, and that if I was miscarrying, they couldn't tell at this point and I would have to come back the following Tuesday for blood testing to figure out if I actually was losing my baby. Deep down, I already knew the answer. I prayed and I prayed "God, please let my baby be OK. Please protect my baby". But the blood work came back a few days later and confirmed our worst fears, I had lost the baby. 

There is nothing that can prepare you for the emotional pain that you feel when you hear those words.
In the weeks that followed my miscarriage, I was so depressed. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even LOOK at a baby with out breaking down. Living so far away from both mine and Matt's family didn't help - the only reassurance I got from my family was "It will happen when it's time", "It happened because there was something wrong", or (my personal favorite) "Maybe you lost the baby because you aren't near your family and you will need the additional help". While I know (or am assuming?) these words were supposed to be helpful and encouraging, they were not. No words from anyone seemed helpful or encouraging.

Throughout the weeks that followed, I found myself crying out to God, "Why me? Why MY baby?" I felt as though He had let me down. Then, with a simple comment from my high school Calculus teacher, it hit me. Instead of letting losing my baby negatively affect my life, I need to use it as a learning experience and use it as a way to encourage others. Instead of being angry with God and running from Him, I need to be running to Him and praising Him. I should be praising God for being able to carry that sweet baby for those 6 short weeks, and I should find peace knowing that He is cradling my baby safely in His arms. My baby will never know hurt or pain. My baby has peace with our Lord and that is where the true comfort comes from. So now I know that God truly had answered my prayers, my baby is more than OK and is more protected than I could even imagine.


God has a plan for everyone. I truly believe that. While losing our baby has been one of the hardest challenges Matt and I have ever had to face, we have both learned so much from it. We still don't know what God has in store for our life together (hopefully lots of little curly-haired babies), but that's the way He intended it to be. So for now, we will just keep taking life as it comes and continue to love each other (and our furbabies), live life for Him, love Him, and praise Him in good and in bad times that are certain to come our way.

Our 3 Furbabies, Mercedes, Thor, & Twiggy

 


If you would like you read the article that inspired this blog post, you can find it here.