My [not so expert] Marriage Advice

As many of my friends and family are getting married, I am getting asked for marriage advice. I am, by no means, an expert. I am still learning to be a good wife and life partner and if you want the truth, I think I will spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how to be the best wife that I can be. That being said, here are the things that I have learned over the course of my short 3 1/2 years of marriage. These are in no particular order.


1. Serve your spouse. Daily. The Bible tells us to serve others and to have a servant's heart. This should definitely not exclude your spouse. Serving your spouse is something that I have found to be extremely rewarding - you are serving not to receive something in return, but to please your spouse and to please the Lord. Before this part gets misunderstood, I am not saying that by serving your spouse that you should be waiting on them hand and foot or that you should do everything for them. Serving could be something as simple as putting their laundry away or rubbing their back after a long day. Serving is something you do because you WANT to, not to get something in return.

2. Do not speak poorly of your spouse.  I am not saying that when you have an issue with your spouse that you shouldn't talk to a friend about it, but be very careful who you speak with about the problems in your marriage. Sometimes, our friends and family are not as quick to forgive your spouse as you are. The last thing you want is people to think your spouse is terrible and your marriage is suffering just because in a moment of anger, you degraded your spouse. Respect your spouse. Always.
Along with that, don't air your dirty laundry. I feel like this one should go without saying, but unfortunately, I have noticed that people are quick to jump to Facebook when they have issues with their spouse. I know this is an issue that a lot of couples struggle with. It's easy to go to your Facebook page where everyone is going to be on your side - but don't do it! When I am angry with Matt, instead of a "pity me" post online, I talk to him about how he is making me feel. I will cover this more in a minute. The bottom line is the old quote "Don't show weakness in your marriage because that's the perfect time for someone else to try to come in".

3. Communication. This is something that I personally struggled with in the beginning of my marriage and still find myself struggling with now. Sometimes it is easier to hold in all your issues instead of getting them out in the open to avoid an argument. Let me just say that holding in your issues makes them way bigger and then, when you finally snap (which you will), all those built up feelings surface and it's not pretty, for anyone. Communication is the key to a solid relationship - don't just air your negative feelings, praise your spouse when they do something kind for you or kind for someone else. Even as schedules get busy between you and your spouse, MAKE time DAILY to openly communicate with each other. That means to put the cell phone down and spend time with your significant other...

4. Go to bed angry, if you need to. When Matt and I first got married, the advice that I received the most was to "not go to bed angry". I find that advice to be ridiculous. Why should I have to put my feelings on a time limit? In the beginning of our marriage, I always tried to live by that rule, but found myself to still stew on old problems. If you are still angry when bed time rolls around, who cares? Go to bed and wake up with a clearer mind about the issue. It doesn't mean you love your spouse any less. Even when I am angry, I still let Matt know how much I love him and how much I appreciate him. I think that is always important to feel the way you need to feel, and if you want to be angry, then be angry! At the end of the day, your spouse knows that you still love them.

5. Encourage your spouse. Build your spouse up on the positive. You're there to be your spouse's support system in good times and bad. Always be an encouragement to them because even if they don't say it, they appreciate it and need it.

6. Receive your spouse's love. This sounds absurd, I know. But you wouldn't believe the amount of times I see wives, mostly, complaining that their husbands don't send them flowers anymore or bring home candy for them or whatever they *think* they should be doing to show their love. This is marriage - not dating. It's a whole new ball game. That doesn't mean that those treatments should stop after marriage, but don't expect it to happen all the time. When you are married, love is shown in SO many different ways. It took me a while to realize this myself. Love is shown whether you see it or not. When they do the dishes or when they make dinner so you don't have to. When they wake up with the baby so you can get those extra few minutes of sleep. When they let you pick the movie or when they trade food with you at the restaurant because what your ordered doesn't taste good. They are doing those things in service and out of love for you. Appreciate it. Reciprocate it. Love each other and always find new ways to show you love each other. Hey, maybe even throw in a 'thank you' every now and then.



The bottom line is to love and appreciate your spouse for who they are. Communicate with each other and don't focus on what they do wrong - focus on what they are doing right. No one has a perfect marriage so just buckle up and enjoy the rest of your life with the one God made for you.